Factoid of the day: Married without children
In a new report, demographer Peter Francese projects that the most prevalent American household in 2010 will be a “married couple with no kids, followed closely by single-person households.” The supposedly traditional arrangement — a married couple with children (e.g., the Pinks, the Obamas, the Gosselins) will account for only 22% of American households.
Is this a reaction to economic factors? Let’s face it, kids are expensive! The only family that seems able to get ahead in today’s economy are those “dual-income, no kids” families. In the U.S. the economy has historically been the most significant predictor of family size.
Not for me. Childless by choice. Just not cut out to be a mother (and thank Heaven I realize that). We are finally in an era when a woman can choose not to have children and not have her womanliness or even her sanity questioned. People are realizing we don’t need kids “to complete us” and can be content caring for each other and the kids that come through our lives in other ways.
I guess we fit that profile and we work in our kitchen! Internet entrepreneurs are a strange new breed, eh?
It’s almost certainly an economic decision. However I’m of the mindset that our modern priorities are out of whack. Whatever does “get ahead” really mean anyway? For many Americans in recent years has it meant getting deeply in debt to acquire lots of stuff to impress people who don’t really care any way.
Dan- I seem to recall reading somewhere that many married couples are opting for the path my wife and I followed – delayed child rearing. (We were married 9 years before our first child came.) Could this new factoid of yours be related? Perhaps for some the delay brings with it decreased fertility and an inability to conceive children in a home that would welcome them?
I’m eager to read your coming book on motivation to see if and how you tie in demographic shifts, like changes in child rearing. I feel there is an intrinsic human desire to be creative — to “make a difference”, be creative, come up with something where nothing existed before. I’m not a religious nut, but I did do an analysis of a Papal Encyclical “On Human Labor” back in my undergraduate years. I really believe that productive work is the key to human happiness. Rearing kids has been, for me, an activity that deeply satisfies that intrinsic desire. I sometimes wonder if studying how people satisfy that desire in the absence of children would reveal important things about the health and future of a culture. My husband recently commented (in rection to something that you posted… a video about education) that the desire to make stuff is why so many people are practically addicted to playing Farmville on Facebook. That made me think 1) that’s so sad! and 2) I would never have time to play Farmville becaue I’m too busy molding our kids’ lives! I think creation/creating is the key to human happiness, and as more folks go childless or simply live longer after the kids leave home our culture faces a challenge — how to engage people productively!
Definitional question: My wife and I live alone in our house, but our three daughters live in three different states. Are we among that future majority or the 22% with kids? Living without children doesn’t necessarily mean being childless, or not having lived with offspring.
@glen — it means married without kids living in the household — so you’d be part of that category.
@debbie — there are a few other demographic trends, one of which is gargantuan, that i discuss in DRIVE.
@bill — delayed child bearing is probably part of it. but a larger part, i’m guessing, is the aging of the baby boom and generally lower fertility rates in big chunks of the us population.
I want to build on Debbie Furlong’s comments. We are intentionally childless. My career and volunteer work are very fulfilling. I create constantly in my work, and feel that my writing and volunteer work are my two children. So I think the innate need to be fulfilled through creativity that Debbie mentioned are probably tied to child rearing AND to some types of work.
I have a similar reaction to the amount of time people spend creating virtual lives. I find real life much more deeply fulfilling to create in.
Cultural stats are always so fascinating…
For my husband, our marriage is his third matrimonial leap. For me, it’s a first. 10 years in I’m happy to report we’re leaving the statistical odds on the remarriage success front in the dust, but I can’t help wonder if (or how) remarriage factors in here.
Intentionally biologically childless by choice both before and after marriage, I became stepparent to 2 (now) adult children when we married. Teens when we met, they’re grown and on their own now. I mention this because I’m part of that 22% the stats speak of in two ways – with a twist.
My husband’s choice was decided by the fact that he’d was more than satisfied by his procreation efforts before we’d met and hadn’t the slightest interest in more. For my part, I’ve just never felt called to have babies, though I love being a stepparent.
Though Debbie’s theory’s – and Bob’s contribution’s – intriguing, I can’t say creative drive’s responsible for my choices either way, but I suppose it’s possible. What I can say is that expanding social freedom to choose (rather than an unquestioned inclination to follow ‘the family plan’) feels pretty darn decisive to me in terms of the recognition I could spend or invest my creative energies where and as felt right to me. Add to the mix birth-control & less cultural need to consider children our old-age security, and…
Have to admit I’m curious: how much is procreation innate drive and how much is cultural impetus? That 22% suggests it could be a healthy helping of both.
OK, so you have no kids – so what exactly are you living for???? Just to have stuff and enjoy the VERY short life you have left? Seems rather selfish and shallow to me.
Or maybe you give your money away to others??? A bit more noble, but again are you making a REAL difference in the world? I know some of you may think I’m crazy or idiotic, but I have 5 kids with 1 woman (we R married too) and I wouldn’t change it for the world. And yes, you CAN make it on one income – and I make less than the average income in America.
Again, what are you living for when you can’t take any of your THINGS with you??? Don’t forget, there is a life beyond this one.
We’re sort of in the unusual position of being in and out of demographics on a regular basis. My wife and I never felt a (for lack of a better term) “biological imperative” to have our own kids, but we both feel strongly about helping the kids who are already here in the world grow and succeed. For us, being foster parents made the most sense.
I know a lot of parents raising wonderful kids who will grow up and do great things, and I know a lot of couples who aren’t parents that are making amazing impacts in their communities in other ways. I certainly feel comfortable with the idea that it isn’t necessary to bring new people into the world to make a lasting impact or live a worthwhile life.
“OK, so you have no kids – so what exactly are you living for????”
I am SO sick of this insulting mentality!
So, kids are the only reason to live then? Go tell that to the people who had a child that died or who tried to have children but can’t. Apparently their lives aren’t worth anything then and they should go kill themselves rather than making the most of what they have?
Or someone who doesn’t want kids and knows they would be a horrible parent should just go and have them anyway? – because there can’t possibly be any other reason for them to be here.
And selfish and shallow?!! Look at most of the reasons people give for HAVING kids: to have someone to take care of me when I’m old, to carry on the family name, someone to love me unconditionally, I just want them, etc. Yeah, NONE of those reasons are at all selfish or shallow.
I think people need to spend a little more time REALLY thinking about why they want to or should have kids than trying to bully others into justifying why they DON’T have them. Seems to me brining kids into the world for the wrong reasons is MUCH more damaging than not having them at all!