Pinkcast 1.4: This chart will make you rethink parenting and leading
LINKS AND FURTHER READING:
- The book is Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance by Angela Duckworth (Buy it at Amazon, BN.com, or IndieBound).
- Angela Duckworth runs the Character Lab at the University of Pennsylvania.
- This typology has its roots in the work of developmental psychologist Diana Baumrind.
- âWe Know Some Things: Parent-Adolescent Relationships in Retrospect and Prospect,â a 2001 article by Laurence Steinberg on the virtues of authoritative parenting.
Very useful matrix from Grit. âDemandingâ had been a negative word in our house, so weâre replacing it with âExpecting Great Thingsâ. Thanks Dan!
Good call.
Totally agree!
Dan
Love simple graphs to make a point. One thought, as the parent, manager, or teacher, thereâs probably a responsibility for you to live up to this advice as well i.e. are you seen to be demanding a higher performance of yourself?
Best
Ian
Great stuff and can see it being useful in many situations. Like Jackâs âexpecting great things.
Helpful reminder, Dan. Iâve been talking about this in the classroom for about the past ten years: I tell the students up front that the course involves ârigorous, demanding intellectual work in a supportive environment.â
Very similar matrix to Edmondsonâs Psychological safety/accountability in her book: Teaming
âProbably not that smartâŠâ hahaha
As usual, this Pinkcast offers a great description of a useful tool, including broad applications beyond parenting. Love this one!
Great lesson! Simple, easy to apply, and it serves as a great âfilterâ for actions. This is GREAT! (Iâm looking forward to getting this book.)
Pink and Duckworth: great combination!
Thatâs not even 10 miuetns well spent!
A good follow up to this Pinkcast is your(?) example to motivate your daughter to clean u her room. Canât remember if I read it or heard you give the example.
Love it! Yes got me thinking â as did her book. I wrote a summary of my top 3 insights from it. You can find it here http://www.actionablebooks.com/en-ca/summaries/grit/
Enjoy!
Jill â thanks for sharing your summary â your own story about developing passion was also helpful!
Great summary of a key finding in Angelaâs book! Great explanation â vivid, clear, and fun.
I am really enjoying this book on Audible.com. Though at 64, I am wondering how much âgritâ I have left in me or if I want to expend the energy. It is a fascinating way to look at achievement and certainly works nicely with âDriveâ and whole brain learning and doing. Her investigation onto the importance of âtalentâ has been excellent. Daniel, thanks for the tip on the book.
So good, as always. As a financial advisor, Iâve put all 4 of the lessons in the Pinkcast to work with my clients already (1.1 rephrasing what they think they, or their best friend, should do with a given financial decision; 1.2 writing out the MIT i personally need to do that day; 1.3 explaining how investments work to clients; 1.4 how to encourage behavior modification with money habits.)
Keep up the great work, Dan!
Thanks for watching!
Try nurturing and inspirational as opposed to supportive and demanding. Oneâs purpose as a parent (teacher / manager) is to create conditions for emergence of emotionally intelligent, intellectually creative, psychologically healthy persons, âevolutionary humans,â if you will, not children who have learned to play the obsolete games of a culture in which so much has gone haywire for so many.
Hi Dan,
Loving the Japanese cat in your closet (behind you). I have a similar one (from Tokyo) right here at home.
Keep up the good work â you are doing a heck of a series â loving every second of it!
Kind regards from Belgium
Kristof Neirinck
Iâm reading Grit right now and using it in an online class Iâm teaching for teachers called Dynamics of Student Motivation. I also use Drive in the class. This matrix has a definite application to the classroom.
Great to hear!
I love the idea of bring character building to students. But I had an Ah, Ha moment during the podcast that we adults need to continuously review how well we are doing on our own character. And, to make adjustments. Angela Dunsworthâs work has been noted in a lot of programs. Thanks for the reminder.
Dan,
I love all of what you write and comment about. This one reminds me of Situational Leadership II by Ken Blanchard. His 2 axis are Supporting and Directing. Demanding would be sort of in the third dimension as every job is demanding. The beauty of Kenâs 2Ă2 is that every square makes sense and performs well, provided it is relevant to the degree of know-how, confidence and motivation of the employee or offspring for that matter. In a way his matrix would be like a zoom on the sweet spot you mentioned.
Iâve trained hundreds of managers worldwide with it, people understand it, use it and it works !
As for you Dan, since you are fully competent, confident and highly motivated in Pinkasting, if I were you boss, Iâd give you some support and little direction by saying « keep-up the excellent work, you know where youâre going » and Iâd ask you « how could you reach the whole world beyond your current mailing list ? ».
I felt that sweet spot quadrant was vague. Of course everyone already knew that that was the sweet spot but I was expecting additional insight to that.
Fair point. Check out the Duckworth book for a more thorough explanation.
Dan- This is a great matrix and definitely overlaps with People leadership â those managers who are âResults Orientedâ and supportive have the most effective and happiest teams. Thanks for the insights.
Reminds me of one of my favorite quotes.
Before I had children I had 4 theories on child rearing. Now I have 4 children and no clue!
Ha! Brilliant line!
It looks like being adapted from Paul Hersey / Ken Blanchardâs Situational Leadership. Very similar.
Good one Dan. Wonderful book. I have done my review of the book and listeners might be interested in taking a peek here https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/grit-power-passion-perseverance-shyam-ramanathan-pmp-cssgb-ains-au?trk=pulse_spock-articles
Thank you for sharing your clipboard observations and this book. It certainly is an excellent reminder of how to strive to be bettter as a parent, and a human
Thanks, Dan. Iâm a teacher. Bought Duckworthâs book because I saw it on one of your email blasts. Loved your clipboard graphic. Your economical Pinkcasts are superb.
Angela Duckworth has described great teachers and mentors in her matrix â demanding and supportive. Excellent!
Nicely said Dan, luv it and with by adolescent son, who is stepping in into adulthood, I think I will need to adopt this.
Consistent with Carole Dweckâs chapter on Parents, Teachers and Coaches: Where Mindsets come From
p. 192 âChallenge and nurtureâ describes DeLayâs approach, too. One of her former students expressed it this way: âThat is part of Miss DeLayâs geniusâto put people in the frame of mind where they can do their bestâŠ.Very few teachers can actually get you to your ultimate potential. Miss DeLay has that gift. She challenges you at the same time that you feel you are being nurtured.â
Iâm glad you mentioned Carol Dweck â her work relates to the concepts in this podcast and Duckworthâs book which is on my list of books to read this fall. As a parent and Family and Consumer Science (formerly known as Home Ec) teacher of Child Psychology, this grid is one that Iâve been sharing with students and use in my parenting and teaching philosophy for years. Diana Baumrind, a child psychologist, should be also be mentioned since she defined the 3 main styles of parentingâŠ.permissive, authoritarian, and authoritative (wise).
How does this translate to leadership of customers in a business context, I wonder? Is it possible that being demanding of customers (which I take to mean âhaving high expectationsâ), but supportive, is also the right approach?
Such an amazing book Angela does a fantastic job at explaining how hard work can make you grittier. How we can change our work to a calling, and how deliberate practice can make us better.
Applies similar strategies as Simon Sinek as well as Cal Newport.
Sounds good if you just label them that way, but I wouldnât call the top right âWise parentingâ. Since you are still demanding, youâre likely going to be supportive of what you think is worth supporting; the piano lessons and biology classes because you want your kid to be a doctor who can play the piano. That chart neglects to show âListeningâ. I think the best location would not be top-right, but top center. You should always be supportive, but instead of being demanding, let the child do their best in what they want to be good at.
As a college student studying Early Childhood Development⊠I found a book one day called âHow to Raise a Happy Puppyâ
Puppies see us as the âalpha dogâ ⊠and they WANT our attention, and to please us!
So⊠if they are ârewardedâ for good behavior â âlove and affectionâ is actually better than treats more of the time, but treats can be used for some cases â and get INSTANT disapproval for wrong and unaccepted behavior, they learn quickly the VALUE of good behavior! In the wild, wrong behavior CAN be quite severe! Because the lessons are often âLife or Deathâ and must be learned FAST! And many lessons are learned in very playful ways!
This surprizingly parallels human learning!
Even a newborn realizes it depends on âsomeoneâ to provide for itâŠand that means it âgets what it wantsâ.
As it begins to recognize its âAlphasâ (Parents)and other providers, it learns behavior patterns. And IF it learns that Excessive crying gets a faster response â or as they get older, the response THEY want rather than the âalphaâ they will repeat that response time and again! But if they are rewarded for good behavior, they will respond THAT way over and overâŠ! It gets more âcomplicatedâ of course, as the child gets older, and must learn to âpleaseâ multiple âalphasâ such as school teachers and others in authority. But the Principle remains the sameâŠreward GOOD behavior including some approval and affection, and disapprove or even punish as appropriate, for BAD behavior! And denying them something they wanted works MUCH BETTER than physical response!
âNO!â âSTOP!â and âGOOD JOB!â will show your Child and your puppy what âworksâ and what doesnât âŠ