Pinkcast 2.4: A nifty trick for dealing with jerks at work
LINKS AND FURTHER READING:
- The book is The A**hole Survival Guide: How to Deal With People Who Treat You Like Dirt. (You can buy it at Amazon, BN.com, IndieBound, or 800CEOREAD.)
- For more on the book, check out this piece in New York magazine and this one in the Washington Post.
- One of the best studies on the psychology of temporal distancing is This Too Shall Pass: Temporal Distance and the Regulation of Emotional Distress.
- Bob’s essay, “13 Things I Believe,” is worth your time.
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Dan, this fluff is beneath your usually sophisticated tips. Really? Disengage from jerks. Focus on an eyebrow is the big takeaway?
Take down this useless tip, that most every pro knows.
How do I deal with jerks in the comments section?
I just went through a couple of earthquakes in Mexico City, and this technique has provided *instant* relief for me on the wake of a weeklong ordeal of crumbling buildings, ambulances and firefighters rolling around, road closures and general chaos.
Thanks for sharing, and my ongoing admiration for Dan in bringing constant positive takeaways
I didn’t love that particular time-travel suggestion but I’m reading Robert Sutton’s book and loving it. Unfortunately, it is hugely needed as a resource by those of us who coach in organizations, even organizations with a so-called No Assholes Allowed Rule. Somehow assholes always end of migrating in like cockroaches in urban apartments.
I must admit I’m waiting for Sutton’s sequel: How to recall Asshole Political Leaders from office. Write faster Bob. Much faster please! We’re dyin’ out here.
Jeremy, why didn’t you like Bob’s time-travel suggestion? Please elaborate.
I did enjoy the time travel idea. When recalling a tough moment a week or a month after, it never seems as bad as it did in that moment. So, I will try it. Keep my eye on the prize. I would like other strategies too. Thanks Pincast!
Time travel is a good technique. And it is not novel.
It’s essentially re-inventing NLP knowledge from the late 70s. Science marches on!
(If you’re interested in those origins, check out the NLP Trauma process as a starter).
Marketers, (and our president) have used another version/direction of this temporal distancing for a long time if I have this correct?:
“It will work out so well, you’ll be so happy. In four years you’re going to be interviewing me, and you’re going to say, “What a great job you’ve done President Trump.” -President Donald Trump in conversation with Chuck Todd in 2015 talking about repealing DACA
Great stuff as always, thanks for sharing Mr. Pink.
Usually a big fan of these but not this time. I didn’t find this tip to be relatable for a corporate problem. If we “look back” at a person who treats us poorly, holds our progress back for personal gain or whatever else, we may miss the opportunities to deal with this person directly and immediately and nip the problem in the bud. I was hoping for a tip to deal more proactively.
For in the moment I prefer a form of distancing where you view yourself in the interaction from a distance, like watching a movie. If that’s not enough, imagine you’re in the projector booth watching yourself in the theater watching the movie. The key is to catch yourself soon enough to make the switch.
Those are great tips, but one needs to consider that some are more efficient than others, depending on the situation and on the type of jerk. After all, it’s up to us to figure it out.
Sometimes, agreeing with the jerk with a smile on the face that’s what gets the best return.
My coping mechanism is to look right through the a’hole as he is talking, with no expression on my face and no verbal response to his inanities. Shakes his confidence and shuts him up for a couple of minutes as he’s wondering what I’m thinking.
HA! Dan, that was great! I laughed. I learned. I will practice this and extend it to all my clients!
Have heard this one before but good things are worth repeating. And boy, is this one true. Doing some fall cleanup and looking over old items thinking, why did I ever waste a minute worrying about that? Equally true of jerks, but as we all know, easier said than done. The jerk has the magical power to disrupt all your cognitive circuitry. (That’s why he or she is a jerk.) It is against this neuro-intrusion that we must do battle. Soldier on!
D – I like how you choose ONE THING and share it, focus on it, with guests and solo. Kudos. Specific is terrific. I also like the backdrop for this Pinkcast (while it’s aesthetic, it still matters). Thanks.
I love Bob’s nodding to camera at the end. He looks like a naughty schoolboy.
I really like this tip and have used something similar in the past. I think it was actually easier back in the days when people would yell in the office or stand in front of you and berate you. Somehow, the overt rudeness and lack of control (theirs) made it easier to respond in the moment and deal with the issue. I wonder if Bob has rules for more covert asshole behaviour – stealing ideas, creating chaos through well-placed little word bombs, expressing opinions when they are not warranted or asked for . . . maybe I’ll need to read the book and find out!